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  • Elyssa


Updated: Sep 25, 2023

I started the month of April strong, my garden was tilled, and I was ready to put every plant imaginable in the ground. But, just like seasons change, so can our attitude. And mine changed faster than I expected. After planting a couple of rows of plants, I started to get angry. I wasn't supposed to be alone in this garden on a sunny day. I imagined all last winter that I would either have a baby in a carrier on me or sitting in a bouncy seat next to my garden. The anger kept building. Fast. So fast that I left my planter full of corn seeds in the garden and walked inside to lie on the couch. In that moment, I decided I wouldn't have a garden this year.

It's May, and I have yet to walk back into the garden. I don't care about it at all. And that's okay. It's OKAY not to want to do something that you used to love before. I must remind myself daily that we don't have to do things that feel normal, because after loss those "normal things" aren't normal. Nobody requires you to go anywhere, do anything, or be any particular way. After loss, we are different. And our "seasons" of life aren't what they used to be. And again, that is OKAY.

I am still trying to learn the new me, the me that is a mom, the me that lost a baby, me that feels alone a lot. If you are reading this, give yourself Grace if you feel stuck in a season. Like my garden will still be there waiting for me to add plants, so will whatever else is in your life weighing you down. It can wait.

Remind yourself that it's okay to be selfish, it's okay to say no, and it's OKAY to take time to be alone and process what is happening to you.

Life is like a season.

Give yourself Grace.

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